How to Raise an Awesome Brat

So, I was thinking, with all the articles out there on raising a great behaved little kid, I thought why not offer some advice on raising an awesome brat? After all, it’s probably easier and requires much less work on your part!

All you have to do is make sure all the brat reinforcements are in place and follow protocol whenever possible.

Begin early, the best brats are made when they are taught from birth. Let your kid know he is your little brat from the start and be sure to teach him the word “NO” right away.

When she reaches tantrum age be sure to encourage her to have fits whenever possible, especially when out in public. When she starts to kick and scream on the supermarket floor, gently offer her anything she wants if she stops yelling. But, if she refuses, simply laugh it off and tell her what a great little munchkin she is. Let her know that whenever she is ready and done with her fit, you will take her to the toy store so she can get anything she wants.

If he throws his lunch off the high chair tray, coo at him and squeal with delight at how far he can throw those peas while you clean up the mess. Encourage him to keep on throwing and say that mommy will just happily pick it up. If he doesn’t want the grapes you spent half an hour cutting and peeling, and demands candy, by all means give in and hand him all the lollipops he wants.

As your little princess gets older, say 3 or 4, and wants her own laptop computer, take her to the store right away. Try to go for the cheaper model, but, as she surely will do, when the cutie demands and screams at you to get her the top of the line most expensive super-duper model, buy it without putting up a fight. Then, when you get home and she spits at it because it is a piece of crap, promise her you’ll go back to get another, even better one.

Do not think twice to tell your little boy-wonder not to interrupt you while you are talking to your friend. Be sure to give him your full attention and just ignore your pal, she will understand, I mean really, you are building a master brat here and your friend will just have to wait until little Jimmy is done speaking.

As your little cookie shreds the last unread page of your favorite novel, while you are reading it no less, marvel at her ability to use her little fingers so well! Then, as she wipes her soupy and yellowy buggers on your new silk blouse, tell her how impressed you are! After all, not all 7-year-olds know that silk is so much softer than paper napkins!

Keep at it and you will surely have an awesome brat in the family. You’ll be the envy of all your neighbors! As your brat grows up be sure his behavior doesn’t change. And, of course, don’t stop at just one brat, have a few more, have a bundle! Once you create your first brat the others will just follow suit and learn from the big one!

Okay, I hope by now you realize I am just joking… I also hope you had a good laugh!